The Diocesan questionnaire (2012)
surveyed areas that contributed or detracted from adaptive family life
patterns. A few significant trends emerged indicating areas in Fellowship,
Formation and Service that need Preventive, Educative and Therapeutic
intervention (P.E.T.)
1. Conflicts within the family:
Conflicts in relationships occur in different degrees and ways. 68%responded
“often” to 4.2 %as “always”, similar to the online responses.
Among the lower middle class 25.7% said “always”.
Lower housing groups are more prone than other types (those
living in chawls 7% v/s those in 1BHK-2.8% and 2BHK-1.6%)
Constant
conflict seems to drop with increased educational levels-7.9% among non-SSC
“always” had conflicts in the family compared to post / graduates1.9% / 3%.
Reversal of trend in postgraduates14.7% who claim
“never” to SSC 22.9%
Increase
in percentage of those who say “sometimes” goes up with higher education!
6%within each educational
category replied “often”. The profession influences the
conflict too, with the unemployed being the least in conflicts 2.45 % while those in business had a higher 5.7% incidence of conflicts.
category replied “often”. The profession influences the
conflict too, with the unemployed being the least in conflicts 2.45 % while those in business had a higher 5.7% incidence of conflicts.
The
fellowship dimension of families seems to have been compromised by certain
circumstances…those admitting to conflicts reported problems like
‘alcohol’(37.1%), ‘poverty’(22.9%), ‘single persons dominance’(20%), ‘spousal
violence’(17.1%), ‘elder and child abuse’(8.6% each). The violation of the
rights of the other Family members is crucial as it is amongst the frequent
reason for conflicts.
The
current state of decline in society can be largely traced to the loss of
importance attached to the foundation institutions of marriage and family. Both
these institutions are vital to the well-being of humanity. The family will aim
at a greater equality between the spouses so that women get their rightful
place within it. It will have to foster a greater openness to life. Greater
attention to pre-marriage and post-marriage care is needed than is given at
present in a parish.
Measures
to enhance the Fellowship dimension of the family.
A child, who sees, hears, and experiences conflicts being
resolved positively, from the early age of his/her life tends to show greater
competency later in life. Each member of the family needs to learn to resolve
conflicts as they arise. Successful resolution of the conflicts increases
intimacy, joy, connectedness, mutual trust, self-confidence, self-esteem and
self-efficacy.
Preventive
measures include: strengthening the economic status of these families through
capacity building, income generation, asset creation, savings and credit; and
accessing their rights through government schemes (Don Bosco R & D Centre,
Matunga offers consultation and training in these programs
Primary focus of the Church in Mumbai should be geared towards
preventing school dropouts and gain not only
primary education but higher/vocational education with a view to gainful employment.
primary education but higher/vocational education with a view to gainful employment.
Interpersonal
work and better communication skills would help people live more harmoniously,
adjusting even in cramped quarters with respect for each other. .
An effort can be, to try to bring together architects and builders to work at
projects for providing a decent housing for those living in chawls.
Networking
with neighborhood schools and supplementing these efforts by providing career
guidance, life-coping skills and facilitating job placements especially for the
youth.
SCC’s
in collaboration with other parish cells and associations would need to screen
out the vulnerable families, and coordinate efforts towards empowering them,
locating lacunae and networking strategies for positive change.
Housing,
Employment, Health (body, mind and spirit) and Education (Academic,
Psychological, Spiritual) – H.E.H.E , contribute to the
foundation of happy families, both directly and indirectly.
2. Resolving conflicts: Across
groups, among 3484 respondents, ways of responding to conflicts included:
‘dialogue and communication’ (62.2%), ‘quiet toleration’ (40.4%), ‘seeking
outside help’ (8.2%), and ‘resorting to violence’ (1.9%). Percentages of
economic groups approaching priests and counselors to assist in
conflict-resolution were: upper class (8.5%, 3%), upper-middle (11.4%, 5.6%),
lower middle (18.5%, 6%), and upper lower (13.1%, 5.1%).
Respondents “always” and “often” having conflicts
approached priests (42.5%, 21.6%), sisters (9%, 6.7%), counselors
(12.7%, 14.9%), and SCC animator visits (14.4%, 4.1%). A significantly
higher number approaching priests for assistance during conflict were from
those living in traditional cottages (32%), compared to those living in chawls
(15.1%), SRA buildings (14.8%), and 1 BHK (8.9%) and 2 BHK (8.3%).
Training
Church Leaders: Priests, Religious, counselors and
lay leaders seem to play a key role in handling some of the conflicts.
Female ratio in seeking help seems to be larger than males.
This
indicates the need for psychospiritual training of priests, nuns, and community
leaders. Financial sponsorship from the church can contribute to the success of
such ventures.
The
services at the Diocesan family center ‘Snehalaya’ needs to be made known and
vitalized. Deanery counseling centers could be set up to even offer crisis
intervention to conflict-ridden couples and families. Awareness, recognition
and de-stigmatization of mental health issues need be prime concern in the
church.
Family
conflict is resolved with better skills in communication and interpersonal
relationship and trying to live the Gospel values with sacramental grace and
strength.
3. Women remaining single: Largely
graduate, postgraduate or professionally educated respondents strongly agreed
(4.1%) and agreed (11.1%) that women should remain single. They thought they
did so for reasons of independence (27.1%), career (19%), avoiding male
dominion (17.8 %,) and inability to find a suitable match (17.5%). The single
woman status is achieved by choice or by chance- an attempt to understand their
problems and find workable solutions for the same, is a step in the right
direction. Today’s women are more educated, confident and career oriented,
having a mind of their own. The Church in Mumbai has a rich resource in
them.The widows of the parish also need to be involved in constructive
programmes. Awareness and adherence to associations like ‘singles for
christ’, ‘hope and life movement’ and others needs more propagation.
4. Family coping with Crisis: Means
of coping with family crisis were family prayer (81.2%), prayer groups (22.6%),
retreats (21.8%), family enrichment programs (4.6%), Couples for Christ
CFC(2.5%) and Marriage Encounter ME (2%).
Coping
mechanisms in the times of crisis are prayer, dialogue, communication and
sharing. However,care should be taken about those individuals who are at a risk
of a psychological breakdown due to their vulnerability and poor ego strength,
at the time of attending spiritual retreats etc. Heightened spirituality can be
both a cause or consequence of mental illness. Some appreciated the support of
elders in family. Their valuable life and life experiences emphasizes their
role and our responsibility and duty to them. Visits by priests were
significant in life crisis. Our priests are true shepherds in this pastoral
role. We are called to be in Communion with god, within our families and in our
parishes.
81.1%
always found their families as a strong support base in time of crisis. The
family is the primary cell of society; “it is in the family that children learn
the human and Christian values which enable them to have a constructive and
peaceful coexistence. It is in the family that they learn solidarity between
the generations, respect for rules, forgiveness and how to welcome others.”
Parents are the “original and primary” educators of their children.”
Marriage
is the rock on which family is built and is a reflection of the trinity- co
creators, co redeemers and co sanctifiers. To strengthen this foundation
Marriage Enrichment Programmes (MEPs) ‘Snehalaya’ provides ongoing support and
growth. Other interventions that might serve to prevent fragmentation as well
as enhance the fellowship dimension of the family include: parenting
skills especially at the pre-nuptial and pre-baptismal stage, besides the post
marriage phases; enhancing knowledge of parents regarding youth issues,
generation gap, addictions etc;
Promoting
effective life-coping, conflict-resolution, and relationship skills amongst the
youth.
5. Situation in the Family: “It is
in the family that we discover our God-given vocation to love, to enter into
relationship with others and to live together in harmony” Pope Benedict. The
church needs to make the family aware of its role and mission.
Respondents
came together for meals (77.6%), prayer (76.5%) and watching TV (49%); many
came together to take decisions, holidays and visiting relatives. Some shared
that crisis brought the family together. Stability in family life is associated
with ability to bond/ relate through eating, praying, playing, working, and
sleeping/resting at home. “Family, Work n celebration”- the theme of world
family day-3june 2012.
91.3%
respondents believed in the relevance of the Eucharistic celebration; thus, the
Eucharist provides a large-scale platform for guidance through well-prepared
family-related liturgies. There is the need to make mass more connective,
participative, in-sync-with-the-times, and family focused.
Those
who strongly agree that youth spend more time out of home were from chawls
(9.5%), SRA buildings (8%), 1 and 2 BHK (5.9, 5.3%) houses. Youth from lower
housing types were seen to spend more time out of home than others, thus
reducing moments of family cohesion.
92.4%
shared a very friendly relationship with their children and 70.3% revealed that
their parents played the most important role in career and vocation choice.
Thus parents need to enlighten, educate and empower the youth, helping them to
make right career choices and take more responsibility for their own lives.
6. Support Structure of the family:
a) The Synod proposes that we help our youth
to get inserted into the faith and sacramental life of the church; find God in
secular environments; achieve a balance between faith and life; and search for
meaning, solidarity and commitment. This can be achieved by enabling youth to
participate meaningfully in associations.
67.9%
were satisfied with the role of the youth groups in development of youth in
parish. Parish youth group would need to have appropriate ‘Formative,
Fellowship and Service’ oriented programs. This will help channelize them
towards healthy, Christian family life. Intra parish events to bring
together our youth in fellowship, from across parishes, in view of giving them
opportunities for healthy Christian relationships, that may further translate
into happy Christian marriages. Broach the challenges of interfaith
marriages and the church views. Ensure the scope for recent, remote and
intermediate marriage preparation.
b) Parish
Family Cells: Visible, Effective and Vibrant
61.1% claimed Parish Family Cell-PFC meets every month
11.9% said never met and some were unaware of PFC existence.
The
Synod highlights the need to protect the sanctity of the family by projecting
the sacredness of life, the dignity of persons and a pro-life orientation; and
a proper understanding of love and family life. These values need to be passed
on both by parents and families to their children; and propagated in schools
and churches as well through instruction and education. The mid-synod envisages
that these tasks may be carried out through a wholesome way of living family
life; through appropriate instruction; and through the assistance of family
cells.
Parish
Family Cells (PFCs) being perceived as key units to promote family life were
mandated by the mid-tem synod, with a deadline of Dec 07 for the same.
Nevertheless, an independent survey conducted by the present commission
revealed that family cells did not exist in some parishes! Most others mainly
celebrated family-related days and seminars. A handful of vibrant cells across
the diocese had more diverse formation, enrichment and fellowship programs. A
common hurdle was the lack of cooperation from/ with other parish groups. These
data indicate that family cells need to be instituted or revitalized across the
diocese. Moreover, they would need appropriate emphasis from the parish priest,
including adequate training(TFE,TFA) and motivation for the tasks at hand.
Deanery-level parish cell meets would facilitate passing on information,
training, inter-cell support, and fostering of best practices. PFC is a
coordinating body, with the right composition of members to represent and reach
out to all the sections of the parish. (Children, youth, adults, senior
citizens, singles, married couples, parents, widowed, single parents,
interfaith marriages etc.)
The
family- the domestic church is the foundation of the parish. Sadly, today the
moral fabric of the family is tearing apart, leading to increased levels of
dysfunctionality. However, the family’s own resources and cohesive forces can
come handy, if tapped well. At the parish level the family cell will
need to network with the PPC/PCOA- Parish council of associations, all working
harmoniously with a ‘Family perspective’
c) Disparity of Cult: ‘Inter faith
marriages’ has shown an increasing trend in the Diocese from 11% in 2001 to 22%
in 2009, (Chancery, Archdiocese of Bombay). Such couples and their families,
especially the children, are faced with numerous challenges due to different
religious and socio-cultural life styles.
A
research by Nandita Pereira, SRA (Challenges and balancing strategies of
interfaith couples and children, and pastoral implications) reveals that
couples that acknowledged and accepted their differences, and addressed
these issues; especially regarding the faith of their children, prior to
marriage; were better adjusted and happier than those that did not. Their
children were better adapted too.
Thus,
the importance of Pre-marriage preparation and a Pastoral approach needs to be
stressed at parishes. Adopting a pastoral approach and including such families
into the Church mainstream, together with adequate preparation prior to
marriage would help these couples. Programs to guide and integrate these couples
and their children into the mainstream would need to be designed too.
Hence,
through a relevant and functional structure, the bishops, clergy, religious and
laity must do all in their power to protect, promote and sustain this
fundamental unit of society and the church. Our love and concern for families
has to take shape in concrete action so that we can have stable happy,
Christ-centered families. This then translates into a vibrant Church and a
stable society.
Questions
for Discussion:
1. Mention
at least 3 most important ideas in the paper you agree with, giving reasons for
the same
2. Any
suggestions relating to the implementation and the way forward regarding the
above?
3. Please
mention any ideas in the paper you disagree with, giving reasons for the same
4.
Please mention any important aspects that you
think have not been covered in the paper.
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